if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
