I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
