I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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