Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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