the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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