he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
