you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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