When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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