If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
