do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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