he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
