he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
MIDGETS
????
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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