So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
