Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
