if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
