Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
