theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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