I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
