So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
