I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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