dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
