she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well you can't waste a boner
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
