Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
