Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
