how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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