she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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