I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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