so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
