Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
