I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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