i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
