ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
