So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
