Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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