Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
