So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
