Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
