you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
