so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
