So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
