i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
