Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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