Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
