I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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