I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
