I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
