4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
