She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
