clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
