two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Come on in and take your pants off
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